Hush....
Mood:  crushed out
Topic: Heal Me

Ouch...!!!

Have you ever felt that you can do everything for that certain person whom you thought you loved so much and that he loves you in return?  Have you tried testing your own capacity and ability just to be that perfect person for him? Have you ever been BLIND? DEAF? MUTE? and a MARTYR? at the same time?

Have you been totally in love with that certain person which you thought that you'll be sharing your life and future with? Have you ever considered that your weakness had become your strength? You became static. And suddenly you asked yourself WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE? AM I DOING THE RIGHT THING?

To those people who felt that mentioned feelings, well your not alone..I'm certainly one of you..I'ved never thought that this day will come we're I'll be self admitting that i became a FOOL in that certain part of my life.

I'ved been in both world.I'ved been feeling devastated.I've been weak. I'ved been a stranger to my own self.I forgot to take things lightly and vividly.And most of all I'ved been very bad impractical in some ways.

There we're times when i almost fell for that urged to give up the real feelings i had.I'ved almost destroyed my dreams for the sake of that certain person.I'd never been so weak before in my life.I took myself for granted...And in that instance, i forgot to speak and listen to myself,to my inner self. How can i be that selfish?

They say if you "LOVE" someone you must invest your all.If i say all,it means your time,yourself,your future,your dreams, and eventually you become a selfless soul and you lose everything in return.

I thought i was in control. And I Thought I was the only one and he's everything just the way he is to me.But I was a fool.I was just fooling myself.I was so blind to see what really the reality was.I was a deaf to hear,to listen what my real self was telling me.I was so mute to say what i really want to be.want to have.want to become..And so one unexpected day came..I caught him at last. Somewhere in that thin line...My inner instinct was telling me to woke up.And so i did....After all nothing in this world is that perfect. My curiousity grew and i started to doubt. I became suspicious..

And so, I finally found out that HE is truly not real to me..It was so painful at first.I was like feeling dying and ruined.I was becoming an invisible......

But not until i realized that I MUST LET GO...Not because it was so painful for me. But because he HAS KILLED me.Killed that very CORE of me.killed my very SOUL..killed my EXISTENCE. I finally got the puzzle of myself and put it back by piece..I finally stood up for myself.I never felt so alive before until today.I got myself back.My thoughts are fixed to that one goal..and that is to

"BUILD and HEAL" that dying self i had.To start my life anew.To be alive for real again...And i did...